Happiness and Joy

For the first time, in a long time, I felt happiness and joy today.  And was humbled.  And felt beyond blessed.  I want to weep, I'm so happy.

We went to our local zoo this morning, and I'll be honest; anymore, I dread going out in public with my children.  For whatever reason, I feel scrutinized, judged, and mostly helpless as my children act like wild Indians.  I have a bad habit of reprimanding in a loud manner, because I don't want onlookers to think I'm a parent who does nothing.  I scold as if the end of the world were in a mere few hours.  The wrath of this mother is not to be mocked, toyed with, or brought out, because once it is present, it brings with it a cloud of doom and gloom and embarrassment.

So I braved the brewing storm.  I made a picnic lunch.  Loaded the stroller, sunscreen, bottles of water, searched for and found hats, matching socks to wear with shoes so boys could avoid blisters, and we buckled up for the long haul.

I had a good idea before leaving, and I might venture to say it was pure revelation.  I grabbed four quarters and two pennies, and put them in my pocket.  I explained to my crew, that they had the opportunity to earn some coins while we went on this adventure.  THEY had the choice to save it or to spend it.  It was up to them.  And it kept me sane, and them on their best behavior.  (I will come back to the coins...)

It typically takes us less than 20 minutes to observe the animals in our small and local Zoo.  However, today we spent two hours enjoying, commenting, learning, and {gasp} GETTING ALONG!!!

However, it was not without a small glitch:  While picnicking, Tanner wandered to the food-vendor's trailer, and I turned to check on Kortlen and when I looked back, Tanner was gone.  I figured he slipped around the corner, so I gave him a moment. (I am desperately trying to NOT hound him and breathe down his back every.single.second; so I wanted to give him A CHANCE to come back on his own.)  He did not return as I had anticipated, so I calmly approached an employee, and asked for the help of others to find a boy "this" tall, with blonde hair, a colorful, plaid shirt, red sneakers, and khaki shorts, in addition to his age and name.  I was not worried sick, yet.

Five nerve-wracking minutes later, he was found, "looking at a cool animal!" and "could we please go see it"...  As calmly and sternly as I could, I explained that because of his carelessness, EVERYONE had to stop what they were doing to help me find him.  I told him I was SO glad he was safe, but he needed to be reprimanded.  We live in a wicked world, and my mind always wanders to the worst case scenario.   From then on out, he was very obedient to stay by me.  Be still my heart.  It only took him six and a half years to learn that....and hopefully the lesson learned today will not need to be repeated.

We saw everything.  Even the smallest bird...and the biggest tortoise!  We walked.  We didn't run.  We didn't rush.  That is so hard for me...not to rush.  I think it was difficult for the boys, too, but we tried it, and by the end, they had the hang of it.  The key?  ENJOY.  BREATHE.  OBSERVE.  Be.STILL.

Kortlen viewing the camels, while Tanner and Taylor
 explain to us where we are on the map, and what we should see next. 

He spotted us.  We woke him from his nap.
After he stretched and yawned and showed us his big pointy teeth,
he sauntered to his man-cave to get some more shut-eye.  

This and the next two photos made me laugh...their facial expressions are awesome....
and I tried in vain to get Tanner to unbutton his top button on his collar....
I did succeed in convincing him to wear tennis shoes instead of
cowboy boots with his shorts.  :) 

Heeee-Haaaaaaw!  What are you all about, Mister?!

Who taught Kortlen how to "bawk"?  I makes me giggle
so hard I almost pee my pants.  Here's my little birdies.

Those flamingos are sure stinky!

Can you see how much fun we had?!  I was pleasantly surprised.

So as we did these simple things, they boys earned two quarters and a penny, each.  By the crocodile habitat, is a coin machine, that squishes a penny into a token.  The boys had seen it earlier, and asked if they could make a 'cool penny', and I pointed out how much it cost, and how much they had.  They were so excited when they finally earned that second quarter, and got to make their souvenir.  I was excited to let them do it.  To see them happy.  Proud of their accomplishment, and actually talking about what other things they could use their monies on, was a good parenting moment.  A proud one!

The fact they they're all STANDING STILL and being patient is so awesome.
Seriously...they were so calm...and it was so great!

Just like the sun was shining and making us warm, we felt sunny and warm fuzziness inside, and I KNOW my kids noticed it.  I thanked them for being so well behaved.  I thanked them for being such good little boys.  I told them that I would love to bring them to the zoo again!  And I'm looking forward to it.

**********

Another tender moment today:

Ryan and I had planned to go on a date.  We called one of two sitters in our new ward (apparently there are not many girls of baby-sitting age in our new neighborhood), our bishop's daughter, who is starting at BYU-Idaho in the fall.  She is a gem, and did really well.  She shared with me an exchange she and Tanner had just before he went to bed.

Tanner gave the sitter a handful of coins (probably forty-something cents) and said, "These are for you, so my mom doesn't have to pay you a lot of money."  He continued with, "Will you tell her I tried my hardest to be good?  And that I love her?  And that "Tanner" said that?".

My heart melted.  This little, sensitive, unconditionally-loving, patient, rambunctious, murmmuring, tease of a little boy I have is trying so hard.  The sitter said there was the usual sibling fighting, but that they were generally good.  And I believed her.  I know she wasn't saying it just to make me happy, or to sugar-coat the truth.

For the first time, in a long time, I am looking forward to another day of being a mother.  I'm not dreading tomorrow.  My heart is overflowing with gratitude, and humility.  Because I have the best family in the world!  We are far from perfect, but the efforts that were shown today, and the Spirit of Christ in our home, was overwhelming.  Completely overwhelming.

We didn't read our scriptures together as a family today, and we left without saying family prayers this evening, but I just picture HOW MUCH MORE AMAZING our home could be, when these simple acts of devotion are coupled with the wonderful behavior I was privileged to witness....and all I can say, is I pray with all my heart and soul, that we strive for this {Happiness & Joy} every day.

Today I saw a glimpse.  And my heart is full.  There.is.hope.