I know, that for myself, I am constantly catching myself in the middle of doing something I swore I'd never do, and vowing to do a bit better, but never really succeeding...for example, spanking. I don't want to get into a political or emotional discussion on this, but wanted to say that our Family Home Evening lesson was {just for us} tonight. The resource we used was Emilie's great Year of FHE blog I mentioned earlier, in case you feel it might be {just for you}, too. Just to throw it out there. :)
The repercussions of my actions and my husband's, has made its ugly self manifest in the actions of our children. They are constantly picking on & hitting each other. Sometimes out of protection from the other one, and sometimes just for spite. Usually it's Tanner doing the bullying, but Taylor has been quick to pick up on the trait, if you will.
I thought our weekly Family Home Evening lesson went especially well tonight. This week's lesson is titled "Showing Love Through Gentleness". We talked about our hands, and how they can help us, and how we can use them to show love towards others. The boys loved it.
Some of the activities we did that were a hit included feeling objects in a bag with our eyes closed and trying to guess what it was. We used this activity to talk about how our hands feel. I tried to compare it to how our heart might feel when we pinch, scratch or hit, or we do those things. I think I lost them on those tracks, so we re-railed to another fun activity.
Emilie's lesson plan suggested we each draw our hands on a paper and write "I will use my hands to show love." underneath, so we got crazy. We got out glue. Taylor thought it was chapstick, and we laughed for a while over that one. This is what we ended up with. I love that Ryan and I even did one, because after all, this sort of ugly behavior, started with our poor parenting.
The lesson plan also included the following paragraph, which our boys surprisingly listened to:
Prophet and President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints from 1985-94, Ezra Taft Benson said, "One who is kind and gentle with others; he is considerate of others' feelings and has a helpful nature. We become more Christlike as we are more kind and more patient." He wanted us to know that when we use our hands to show love, we are being like Jesus.
I am proud to report that bedtime was executed with quiet loves and kisses, family prayers, and NO SPANKINGS. I could get used to this, as I'm sure my children, and neighbors could also.
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Side Note: In preparation for this lesson, I put in a lot of time pondering. A friend asked me today what kind of parenting style I liked, and if I thought my boys were 'the way they are' because of their personality or my parenting. We were discussing these kinds of things, as we usually do when visiting, and I had an ah-ha moment. Ryan and I aren't parenting. We're surviving. And it isn't healthy for our parent-child relationships, our marriage, or the development of our children. What an eye-opening thought! (You're probably all shaking your heads, thinking, DUH, Deanna. Wake up!)
Anyhow, just wanted to document that thought for the next time I get frustrated. Time to dig out the parenting books again. Time to use some common sense. Time to show some much needed love and compassion. Time to learn and apply patience.
11 comments:
Thanks to you, I used one of her lessons myself tonight. It was AMAZING! Cameron at least paid attention, which is a miracle in itself, because usually he zones out....we do FHE with a lot of adults and the lessons usually are geared toward adults...but tonight I took charge and did last week's lesson. I LOVE those! I've even added her button to my blog. :)
BTW, she's featured you on her blog tonight...<3 Just thought you'd like to know! :)
You certainly have been busy. In reading through your last few blogs. I have lots of stuff that I want to learn to do, but unlike you am just content with catching up with my mending! Good luck with the thesis and job search.
I'm proud of you! I think you're awesome. I love all of your cute things you make too.
Deanna...In my opinion, parenting is a constant cycle of commiting to do better (like you know you should) and doing your best for a while until it slips and something reminds you that it's time to recommit yourself. It happens to us all. Matt and I went through the spanking phase, the yelling phase and many other phases I would like to forget.
But it's the constant recommitment to improving ourselves as parents that matters and you are on the right track! I spent all day yesterday yelling at my kids....in the end I was so glad it was FHE night so I could refocus on bringing the Spirit into our home (which I had driven away from losing my temper continually throughout the day).
I agree with what Em-il-ie said. I'm now in the teenager phase, and there's even more soul-searching, adjusting, praying and implementing. I can tell you this -- that Heavenly Father is with us on this very special calling called parenting.
I hear you on the surviving thing, Deanna. John and I were just talking about patience levels in the house and the stresses our family's been under the past year, and how it's affected the family [parenting]. Many times we've just been surviving.
What do they always say? If you're aware of things, and trying to improve -- that makes you a great parent! And you are. ♥
I often feel like I am in the survival stage too. I remember a class I took in college where the first day the teacher told us that if we wanted to know what to do to be good parents that we should take another class. He said that most people know what they are supposed to do, but the problem comes in implementing it and overcoming our own personal road blocks. His class taught me a lot about myself...but I still find myself struggling when it comes to implementing what I know I should do. You aren't the only parent out there that has areas to improve on! The good thing is that you are trying to be better!
I think it takes a big person to admit they are wrong and an even bigger one to change. You are very in tune and your boys are very lucky to have you as their mom! I think you are doing great!
Cute FHE idea by the way! I am going to have to visit her blog!
Deanna, keep up the good work, keep trying, and don't get too discouraged. You've got a heart of gold in you. Thanks for visiting the other day. It is always nice to visit with you! And I love the treats & sweets you did for Valentine's Day! What great ideas!
i love that he thought it was chapstick, oh that's hilarious. you guys are great parents, and i agree what another said...none of us are perfect parents and it's about recommitting ourselves to be better
I so agree. I love your idea. My Ali has been very tough for me lately she is all ATTITIUDE. But I have noticed the more patient I am with her the better she is. I have also noticed the more I turn off the TV the better she is. Weird I know. Have you ever heard of the Partenting with love and logic strategy. I have heard it works so well. I haven't tried it. It was actuallyon my list this week to get signed up for a seminar and read the book. Thanks for the tips.
I'm learning so much about being a parent and one of the many things is that some things we have to experience in order to know what works and what doesn't (we had an awesome talk in sacrament mtg on this last Sunday). I took many college classes where I was taught what was best for children but until you have your own, I don't think you really realize how very hard it is and how much surviving you really do!!! It's the hardest, most rewarding thing I've done and continue to do :) I think that it is quite admirable that you recognize something needs to change and that you are setting out to be better parents together! Way to go and good luck!!!
PS. I love the fhe blog too!!!
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