Why do I feel so inept when it comes to parenting, when I have such wonderful parents? When I have a college degree that deals with family matters, and children, and raising them? When I teach others as part of my job, these things I cannot successfully apply in my own home?
I realize I'm hormonal, emotional, and am probably too over-scheduled to really pay attention until it's too late. I know I'm easily irritated, grumpy, and inconsistent. I'm embarrassed it's this way. It needs to change.
My boys (including my husband) are in need of my love and attention. They need me to be here. They need me to be present, to be focused on them, to tell them, in more ways that words, just how much they mean to me.
*sigh*
11 comments:
Oh, I know you are a wonderful mom. It is hard....my mom always says "in sorrow shalt thou bring forth children." She says it doesn't stop after they get here! It is hard, but worth it.
i think you would be surprised at how many mothers feel the same way. ♥
Man, Deanna I love reading your blog and seeing everything that you do. You are one amazing person. I guarnatee that I yell and scream to much at my house alot more that you probably do. But all you can do is what you can do and that is enough. Just remember you are doing everything you know how and the best that you know how and that is all that matters.
We all have our days where we feel we are not living up to our Crandall name trust me I feel that way every day of my life. But we are doing the best right know for us.
I don't know if all mom's feel that way (I have a sneaking suspicion that most do) but I know that I do on a regular basis. I'd imagine that being pregnant and working is taking a toll on you emotionally right now. Plus . . . what you're saying is true and you feel bad. I can say that because, like I said, I feel this way on a regular basis and it's true for me too. It takes time, Deanna. A lifetime, I imagine. :)
There are a lot of days where I say, "today was a bad day, tomorrow I'll do better." And then tomorrow comes and it's (exponentially) worse than the day before. *sigh* That's life. Eventually you'll have a better day. Hopefully, eventually, they are closer together. :) You know, sometimes I feel like I'm screwing up my kids so much -- that we live with so much stress and yelling and "don't do thats" -- and then I sit and talk to them or look at their little faces while they play with one another and realize that they are happy. That regardless of all my screwing up, they laugh, they are kind and thoughtful (most of the time), and they still really want to be with me --- so maybe, just maybe, I'm not screwing up as bad as I think I am AND the Lord is making up for my lack of parenting skills.
I don't know very much, but I do know this. The Lord sends very, very special children to be firstborns. It takes a lot to raise parents. :) And believe it or not, I'm sure that your own sweet mother can understand how you feel. I'm sure that most of her screwing up and experimenting was on YOU. :) You just don't remember very well. Because, you see, I think firstborn children are also very forgiving. Thank the Lord. :)
You are Wonderful! Your boys love you so much!
♥♥♥
Luvs!
Stephanie
Everyone has bad days and those moments that they wondered what they are doing and what effect it will have on their children. You are awesome!
Oh Deanna, you are loved by me and many others. Miss you.
We all have our parenting flaws. I like to tell myself that at least I can recognize mine and I try and work on them. I think that is all that is expected of us. Especially when at 10AM my daughter has seriously already asked me at least 300 questions! AAAHHHH!
Deanna, we should totally get together more! I would love to hang out with you and your boys! What is your work schedule like? We should plan some time at the park or some zoo dates (once they open again). :) And I hope that my comment on your here the other day was helpful. -- Mostly, I just can't seem to help getting incredibly long-winded! :)
You are just a normal mom..that's all. Don't beat yourself up. You have a beautiful, happy, spiritual and fun family. You are doing your best..the Lord will make up the difference.
Luv ya!
ditto to you and what everybody else said. Your doing great, just get through all this pregnancy stuff and you 'll feel much more like yourself!
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